Growing Deeper into God's Design

Men: The New Endangered Species

How to Spot One in the Wild

Real Men are in short supply and it isn’t just man-buns and rompers that are to blame. While I do think men need to dress and act like real men, I think these signs are a symptom of the actual problem. And I think we need to kill the root for the weeds to stop growing.

Real Men are in short supply and it isn't just man buns and rompers that are to blame. Click To Tweet

The mere fact that we now have upwards of 15 categories to describe one’s gender (possibly far more because I honestly can’t keep up with the ever-expanding official list), and that it is politically incorrect to apply a term, such as man or woman, to a person without their consent, is a fairly good clue into how severe this problem has become.

Yet, the world needs real men. We need them. Real men bring value through their own masculinity, and that is precisely why Satan wants to destroy masculinity and our perception of their value.

Where are the Real Men?

For years, I’ve been listening to women complain about a lack of real men. Women struggle to find a marriage partner, or even an honest and skilled tradesman to clean their gutters or fix their furnace. Even within the church, there’s been a rise of women pastors, in proportion to a lack of men stepping up into effective leadership.

There is a shortage real men out there, and I think it makes God so much sadder than it makes us. God made man (and woman) in His image, and if all the men around are behaving badly, it’s a real disservice to the character of God.

The problem with women complaining about a shortage of real men is this: it’s our fault.

Like the insecure bully in the playground stealing the littler kids’ lunch money, we women, historically speaking, failed to see our value, we failed to see ourselves as made in God’s image, and instead felt inferior to men. As a result, we aimed to steal his power. We became the bully, and we’ve used all sorts of psychological warfare to accomplish the feminist goal.

Genesis 3:16, refers to the curse God placed on womankind as a result of her sin in the garden. “…and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” This can be interpreted as she will desire her husband, or it can also be interpreted as she will desire to usurp her husband. Curses aren’t fun.

I can say it’s our fault because I am a woman. And yet, I know, there are women out there who I will make crazy angry with these words. Still, it doesn’t change the truth.

Feminism told women we could have it all. Then it told us we should have it all. Feminism began asking for equal rights in terms of voting and employment, but ended up demanding usurpation. Today, in 21st Century America, many feminists believe the world would be better without men at all. In fact, a call has been issued to abort all male babies and to create an all-female world. I realize it sounds insane. It is! Yet, that is how far it has come.

And as women began to demand sameness, men forgot we were the fairer, gentler sex. They began to treat us like one of the guys because we acted like one of the guys. They lost the once common understanding that women are to be valued as unique and special. Instead, women became vulgar, common, easy, and expendable.

Feminism made women...vulgar, common, easy, and expendable. Click To Tweet

As a result of the changing perception of women, men failed to see value in us and chose a perverted, plasticized, image of women to replace us. They chose pornography, prostitutes, casual sex, and strippers and they lost sight of real intimacy and the value of a woman entirely. While women were off believing the lie of being the same as men, men were off discovering their own lie that fake sex was as good as real intimacy. All too quickly, we found ourselves in a world, in which we don’t need a man, and they don’t need us either.

Men have been emasculated by women’s usurpation of their role, by pornography, by video games, and by the cultural rejection of all things masculine. The very foundation of manliness has been de-legitimized for men.

The very foundation of manliness has been de-legitimized for men Click To Tweet

Nonetheless, when I was trying to define, broadly, how to identify a real man, I turned to the Bible. My mind immediately was able to generate a list of Biblical characteristics, almost exclusively from a single section of scripture that even an unbeliever may likely recognize: 1 Corinthians 13.

Real men:

  • Persevere. Real men don’t quit or give up. They won’t walk out on your marriage when the going gets tough. They won’t stop fighting for you, what they believe in, your marriage, or anything they value, even in the hardest times. They keep on. Always.
  • Do Things. Real men are not lazy or distracted by the foolish things of this world. They know what matters and they get it done. If they don’t know how to get it done, they find out. Either way, they get it done.
  • Are Brave. Real men know what to fight for and when to fight for it. They may fear going into battle of any sort, but they press through the fear and exhibit a courage that they are designed for. As a result, a real man will never ask you to fight a battle alone on his behalf, nor will he fail to fight with you or for you when given the chance.
  • Don’t Dishonor Others. Real men want to honor the Lord and His creation. That means a real man would never consider doing anything that would dishonor you. In fact, the dishonoring of others would turn his stomach. He won’t even want to be around others who are dishonoring others, unless he was there to protect them.
  • Protect. Real men protect others. They don’t run from conflict or danger when there are others who need to be helped. They are brave and courageous and protective of their families, friends and the innocent. Women don’t often want to admit they need protection, but it’s his role, and we should let him do it.real men
  • Provide. I do not believe that men are the only providers for their families. A quick glance at Proverbs 31 will assure you of that. Women are providers too, but any man who is not at least attempting to provide for himself and his family is not a real man. This is why men are so emasculated when they lose their jobs. It crushes their image of what it means to be a man.
  • Don’t Brag. Real men don’t need to brag or boast because their confidence is in Christ, not in themselves. They are content with what they have and happy to share with others who are in need. As a result of their confidence being so secure, bragging just isn’t necessary.
  • Aren’t Rude. Real men aren’t rude. They don’t engage in filthy talk. They do know how to behave in different settings and they always seek to be gentle in word and deed. Manners are a nice bonus, but not being rude is about respecting others.
  • Aren’t Proud – Real me don’t think more highly of themselves than they ought. They value others above themselves. They are teachable, ready to learn from their mistakes and the critique of others.
  • Trust. They trust God and give their trust willingly, but not foolishly. If you earn a real man’s trust, you have no fear of jealous repercussions.
  • Are Patient. A real man is one who can and will wait. He doesn’t rush into anything or pressure you into anything. He knows how to wait on you and how to wait on the Lord’s timing.
  • Are Kind. They behave and speak with kindness. You won’t hear them talk nasty about others. And you won’t see them behaving unkind toward you or others.
  • Don’t Envy. Real men don’t envy others because they know God is giving them everything they need, and they also know anything they want they must work for. They don’t sit around with the poor me’s, or ask questions like “why does he get xyz?” His maturity and masculinity demands that he rejoice with others for what they have and earn what he receives.”
  • They Forgive. Real men forgive and keep no record of wrongs. A real man is one who knows how much he has been forgiven and forgives others just as easily. His humility and love for others does not allow him to hold a grudge.
  • Don’t Delight in Evil. Real men are never happy when bad things happen, even if their friends, acquaintances or colleagues are engaged in the evil deeds. Real men are sad when evil is done.
  • Love Truth. Real men don’t lie. They speak truth and love truth. They delight in the truth because God is truth. They won’t tolerate lies and their aim is to speak truth always.
  • They Hope. Real men hope for the best in you, in themselves, in their circumstances. They keep their eyes on Jesus in troubled waters and He creates steadfast hope in his heart.
  • They Pray. Although I wanted to make this number 1, I saved the best for last. Real Christian men pray! They pray for you, with you, for others, about everything. It doesn’t matter if a guy has everything else going for him, if he doesn’t pray, he’s got nothing.

Many of today’s men, addicted to pornography or videogames, and relinquishing their position of God-given authority, fail to meet these standards, and as a result leave women wondering, “where all the real men have gone?”

Men are giving up their manhood in favor of cultural relativism, allowing women to take the reins, and concerning themselves with things that have no lasting value. It’s no surprise that men are looking less and less like real men.

Yet, we, women can do something about it. We can prayerfully return to the order God designed. We can submit to our husbands. We can lovingly demand better of them. We can stop filling the vacuum of masculinity with our own ill-fated attempts. We can allow the vacuum, and allow him the space to see the vacuum, and eventually, step into his God-given role. It’s no easy feat, ladies. It’s the real hard work of being a woman — to step aside and wait for her man to man-up. But it’s the ONLY way.

It's the real hard work of being a woman--to step aside and wait for her man to man-up. Click To Tweet

Tell me what you think in the comments.

2 Comments
  1. Charity says

    YES!! Beautifully said!

  2. Courtney says

    I love your perspective and the way you speak truth! Things are definitely not as they should be in the order of things. It saddens me!

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